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World's a Mess

Every week or so, Alex Smith and James Kislingbury wade through the cesspool is that is the modern news cycle to find you chunks of solid gold-- Meaning mostly stories about crows and drunken brawls at fast food joints.
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World's a Mess
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Oct 23, 2017

EPISODE #66-- Neither rain, nor sleet, nor sudden unemployment is going to keep us away from the news. Today we get into it about McD's and sweet lady cocaine, the abject stupidity of Rick and Morty's most ardent fans, and a bummer story about a murder that I thought would be funny and then it wasn't, so I cut a bunch of it out, because there's no real joy in that one. My bad. Donate at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath.   Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com).  Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, Time, and Brandenton (and see our Facebook page for more sources!). #Hollywood #Florida #Hurrican #WarOnDrugs #Coke #FastFoodWars #Sauce #StupidJerks #RastaLife

Jul 10, 2017

EPISODE #45-- James and Alex start with a harrowing account of driving gone wrong, and then get into the real news: The News. On today's episode they rap about a Mormon cultist brought to justice, a man's flaming underoos, and an avocado. . . WITH A BULLET! They also talk about how creepy religious cloisters are (and listen to James fail to name exactly which one that he's talking about), what's the matter with cops today, and the works of Abe Vigoda. They also cut out a story about that Millwall guy, because apparently he's, surprise, surprise, a racist jerk. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art.  Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, WMUR, and Munchies (and see our Facebook page for more sources!). Please support real journalism. Subscribe to something today!

Jun 14, 2017

EPISODE #41-- We're back! As always, we bring nothing but the hottest news items for you, our dearest newshounds. Today Alex and James tackle a Joker attack in Florida, stolen beehives in California, Swedish intercourse breaks, and a man trying to assassinate the best Power Ranger. We also have James explaining a video, Alex going over his phobias of My Buddy, as well as our pitch for a sexy Funky Winkerbean. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art.  Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Associated Press, LA Times, Boing Boing, NY Post, Crime Feed, and Lauderdale Criminal Defense Dot Com. Please support real journalism. #Fresno #Bees #RickSantorum #WuTang #Florida #OtherJunk #Gunpla

Jun 8, 2017

EPISODE #40-- James and Alex return with an episode that is actually audible! It's exciting! Today on World's a Mess we discuss Russian Orthodox wizards blessing computers, Mormon statue heists, the case of Truck V. Bunny Ranch, and the "Big Penis Defense." Let's see if the filters pick that one up. We also chat about Huell Howser, local insect culture, what Trump acolyte matches what GI Joe villain, and what makes serial killers just so darn attractive? Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art.  Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Associated Press, LA Times, Boing Boing, NY Post, Crime Feed, and Lauderdale Criminal Defense Dot Com. Please support real journalism. #Florida #Brothel #PBS #HuellHowser #CraneFlies #Nightstalker #BenMendo

Jun 4, 2017

EPISODE #39-- I'm not going to lie to you: This is the worst episode that we've ever recorded. Not because of content, but because of the technical side of this. We don't know what we're doing. Some good stories, though, such as: Sean Spicer getting left at home, a Florida man trying to neck a rattlesnake, a truck plowing into an unfortunately named company, Neil Armstrong's stolen moon bag, and the clowns-- They're back and they're out for blood. We talk about other stuff. Allegedly. I can barely hear most of this episode. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Thanks to Andy Kneis for our them "Sean Spicer Road." Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at AV Club, CNN, Associated Press, NY Daily News, Vice, and Denver ABC7. Please support real journalism. #FloridaMan #OnThatDust #AnalTech #VisionBoard #TheSecret #FLCL #VespaLife #AudioIssues

May 30, 2017

EPISODE #38-- Alex and James fail to get their schedule together once more, but like the less than entirely punctual phoenix, we have risen from the ashes! Today we rap about wild boars attacking ISIS, how British people can't handle avocados, a teacher making meth, and a controversial program in India to stop domestic abuse that will probably just make it worse. We also rap about U2, Dan Fogler, griefing teens in Red Dead Redemption, and weddings. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at AFP News Agency, BBC, Vice, The Times, Munchies, and USA Today. Please support real journalism. #WarOnTerror #HeroPigs #ISIL #Daesh #India #BreakingBad #FleetwoodMac #AudioIssues

May 10, 2017

EPISODE #35-- Thanks for sticking with us! Today Alex and James get back into it with what the know best-- Drunk Australian rappers skipping out on bills, snakes in South Africa, thieves making fried chicken, and rotting bats at Wal-Mart. They also rap about possums, the Golden State Killer, and Alex's New Segment: Grinding My Gears. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at BBC, The Sun, Vice Munchies, Washington Post. Please support real journalism.

Apr 19, 2017

EPISODE #31-- Sorry for the delay there, folks, but no news is good news, right? WRONG! It's the worst kind of news! But, anyways, we're back and coming at you with stories about reverse racist robbers, drunk delinquint Deadpools at drive-ins, loose lizards, and wayward weed donors. We also talk about actors that confuse us, the squat next door, this terrible dude named Scarf, and the glorious return of Bryan Moylan. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, BBC. New York Daily News, and Oregon Live. Please support real journalism. #Florida #Oregon #Drunks #Crime #Weed #BryanMoylan #Garfield #SnakeNews

Apr 2, 2017

EPISODE #29-- Hey, want to hear a guy eat a cake for five minutes? Well, we got the show for you. Besides that, Alex and James-- with guest star Cruz Flores-- talk about important news stories like cocaine pants, how Trump can't eat a steak properly, and why it doesn't pay to either be a Nazi or sell crystal meth. They also get into it about Wesley Willis and dumb gifts to buy for each other. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Thanks to Andy Kneis for the "Sean Spicer Road" theme song. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, Munchies, Mirror, and the Independent Journal of Review. #WarOnDrugs #WarOnHitler #DontEatAndPodcast #Cocaine #RockNRoll #MacDonalds #Liberace #DragonTattoos #Vice #Munchies #TrumpSucks #WorstEpisodeEver

Mar 27, 2017

EPISODE #28-- Alex and James are joined by Quality Assurance Officer, Cruz Flores in today's episode. The crew of News Tower 7 then gets into it with the death of swimming pigs, the decadence of Floridian criminals, a heist in South Africa, and another story about the undignified personage of Sean Spicer, and a return of bird crime. It's a hot one. It's a spicy one. Better get the milk. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Thanks to Andy Kneis for the "Sean Spicer Road" theme song. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Cosmopolitan, LA Times, BBC, TC Palm, and the AV Club. #SeanSpicer #Florida #JoBerg #Chappie #Battletoads #Hawks

Mar 19, 2017

EPISODE #27-- Alex and James are back and they brought a new segment with them! Today our newsboys deal with further North Korean intrugue, stray hand grenades, Sizzler, and, more importantly, our new ongoing segment on Tom DeLonge. We also talk about Metallica, how dumb our politicians are, and the importance of Five Iron Frenzy stickers. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Thanks to Andy Kneis for the "DeLonge and Winding Road" theme song. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at Atlas Obscura, New Scientist, Noisey, and the AV Club. #FIF #Blink182 #SETI #VXGas #NorthKorea #MASTEROFPUPPETSRULES

Mar 13, 2017

EPISODE #26-- Alex and James round off another cluster of episodes with some humdingers. This episode we get into it about drug catapults on the border, meatloaf escapades with your boy Chris Cristy, more stuff on narcs, more dumb Nazis, and a fancy boy alligator. We also ramble on about what it means to be a grandpa and how dumb the War on Drugs is (it's real dumb). Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at USA Today, Vice, the Boston Chronicle, AP, and NY Daily News. #Meatloaf #NewJersey #WarOnDrugs #WarOnNarcs #Ricin #DumbNazis #RIPAlexSmith

Mar 8, 2017

EPISODE #25-- We made it to the Silver (?) Episode Anniversary and boy does it feel good to be here! Today Alex and James get back into the news with a story about drone-killing eagles, mole-related arson, Myanmar monk meth madness, some BS from some racists, and why orgies are, ostensibly, against Church teaching. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at the Vice, Agence-France Presse, Mic, Al Jazeera, Fox 4KC, . Support real journalism. Support real art. #EccumenicalGetDowns #MoleHunt #WhatWouldSmileyDo #Burma #Myanmar #WarOnDrugs #Florida

Feb 28, 2017

EPISODE #24-- Due to the fast moving nature of the news, we've decided to dedicate an entire episode to the strange and terrible death of Kim Jong-Nam, the Billy Carter to Kim Jong-Un's Jimmy Carter. We also dedicated it to proving that we don't know JACK DIDDLY about the greater Korean area. But, again: We're learning. This is a weird one. It's a dark one. It's the North Korea one. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at the Guardian, BBC, Vice, Netflix, and CBS News. Support real journalism. Support real art. #NorthKorea #Assassination #KimJongIl #KimJongNam #KimJongUn #PresidentForLife #BondLife

Feb 19, 2017

EPISODE #22-- We told you that we'd get over our technical errors! But here we are, back and ready to eff some ess up! We talk about the most important of stories: Cannibal hamsters, and then we get into it regarding bionic penises, falcons on a plane, the trouble with tabloids, and (further) reasons why you shouldn't act like a Nazi. Thanks to our sources at the Guardian, Agence-France Presse, Vice (and Bryan Moylan), the Daily Mail, and WUFT. Support real journalism. Thanks to X for our theme song "The World's a Mess." Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. You can follow him at http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com/. You can support us at Patreon.com/quality. #Hamsters #Cannibals #France #Robodong #ShiaLebouf #SluggingFascists #PunchingNazis #Florida

Feb 15, 2017

EPISODE #21-- Despite some ugly technical errors, we are back and and good as ever (which is to say that we are as bad as ever). On today's episode we get into it with Germany's insult laws, fast food and fast weed, a major nerd alert, and, most importantly, Los Feliz's deranged neighborhood Cookie Monster. This episode goes some places. Thanks to our sources at the LA Times, Vice, Inverse, Norwalk Reflector, and Mother Jones. Support real journalism. Thanks to X for our theme song "The World's a Mess." Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. You can follow him at http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com/. You can support us at Patreon.com/quality.
#TheOrangeOne #AlexJonesIsADingDong #BurgerKing #WarOnDrugs #Narcs #CookieMonster #AdamSandler

Jan 12, 2017

EPISODE #16-- Once again: We're back. James and Alex tackle the issues of the day starting with what happens when somebody gets high on meth and gets on an electric shopping cart in a Wal-Mart. We then talk about Andrew WK, Gundam, and more importantly the Vatican's new McDonald's, Australians rampaging on Christmas day, and the ongoing madness of Rodrigo Duterte. Thanks our sources at Fox WFTX, the Guaridan, and Al Jazeera. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art. You can follow him at http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com/. Also check out our Patreon at patreon.com/quality. Finally, thanks to X for our theme "World's a Mess (It's in My Kiss)." #BadAccents #Australia #Garbage #Meth #GundamRock #PARTY

Jan 2, 2017

EPISODE #15-- Alex and James are back and instantly launch into DEATH THREAT WATCH 2016 (we have a really bad production schedule). After that, it's a white hot show about ramen for fogeys, reindeer driven pizza, Pennsylvania pizza potshots, improper use of mustard, and the ongoing war on beavers. We got it all. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our art. Thanks to our sources at the Guardian, Grape, WPVI Action News 6, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and KFOR. Theme song is "World's a Mess" by X from "Under the Big Black Sun." #Pizzagate #NoNoOtherPizzaGate #Japan #Pennsylvania #Pizzasmoosh #Tardigrade #Beavers

Dec 21, 2016

EPISODE #14-- Alex and James are back. And they're rusty. And they have no idea where Georgia is. Today they deal with modern day cowboys, publicly broadcasted porno, a horrible Japanese skating rink, goatfire, and thunderstorm asthma. It's everything you want. And Australia. Thanks to Yahoo, Good Morning America, The Guardian, Sloshed Sloth, Atlas Obscura, The Local, The Atlantic, Vice, Grape, WPVI Action News 6, Washington Post, Time, and KFOR. Phew. Theme is "World's a Mess" by X. Go buy "Under the Big Black Sun." #FuneralBoodaBag #IWasThinkingAndroids #RealRusty #Australia #JapanHot #Xmas

Dec 6, 2016

EPISODE #13-- Alex and James burn through the last of their pre-election episodes with this baby. And boy howdy do they get into it. We got gorillas drinking slurpies, we got New Jersey teens stealing cheese, we got scrotum frogs dying in their thousands, and we also have well respected astronauts rambling on about ET. We also ramble on about a lot of other crud. Join us, won't you? Thanks to our sources: BBC, PIX 11, Natural Geographic, The Guardian, and Vice Motherboard. Thanks to all of our sources. Theme is "World's a Mess" by X.

Nov 29, 2016

EPISODE #12-- We get into the REAL episode 12. And hoo birds it's a humdinger. Still blissfully unaware of the outcome of the 2016 election, James and Alex launch into an episode full of dudes on LSD saving dogs, clowns getting stabbed, pranksters getting pistol whipped, topless selfie mayhem, and dudes that just want to save woodland critters and bone down. It's an episode about America. Thanks to WNYT.com, Newschannel 13, The Guardian, the Associated Press, Hood Clips, and the BBC. Thanks to all of our sources. Theme is "World's a Mess" by X. #SquirrelCrime #Clowns #ClownAttacks #DogsAndDrugs #LSD #Tussin

Nov 19, 2016

EPISODE 11-- We get into it. Alex and James, news-men-at-large, deal with their post-pre-election blues, namely how we're all, like, six months away from being The Road Warrior. Then they get into real news. There's a Cookie Monster stabbing, there's a sheriff gacked out on Xanax, there's a fountain of wine, and then there's a church that has a problem with fat people. Go figure. Thanks to Vice, the Gothamist, WVVA.com, Christian Post, and Paste Magazine. Theme is "World's a Mess" by X. Go buy "Under the Big Black Sun," will you? #RedTails #CostumeCrime #BadCopWatch2016 #Doom #Andrew316

Oct 31, 2016

EPISODE #9-- Today at the news desk James and Alex wax on about America's current spat of clown crimes (and we're not talking about the election-- HI-YO!). We also get into more fast food mayhem, Walmart arson, and dumb, dumb drug stings. We also have a jag about abortion for some reason. Then we get into a documentary about feeders. Don't look it up. Thanks to all of our sources. Theme is "World's a Mess" by X. #McDonalds #Walmart #PeeCups #ToBeaverOrNotToBeaver #ArtsNCrafts #AmericanClownEpidemic

Oct 17, 2016

EPISODE 8-- Today on the news, Alex and James launch into the seamy underbelly that is the entire overbelly of Hollywood. It's a real dirt city. It's also overrun with costumed criminals. Somebody send help. We also delve into the dark world of European toilets and French fry crime. Thanks to all of our sources. Theme is "World's a Mess" by X. #Deadpool #SpiderMan #Hyphenates #ToiletPanic #ToiletTerror #FreedomFries

Sep 27, 2016

EPISODE 6-- This episode is a mess. It goes immediately south when James fails to properly vet a story and then, I don't know, guest star/provisional intern Sam Pritchard talks about turtles. Alex is somewhere in there, hiding in between room tones. Thanks to all of our sources. Theme is "World's a Mess" by X. #TurtleSex #Smuggling #Prosthetics #ShockCollars #PurpleDrank

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