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World's a Mess

Every week or so, Alex Smith and James Kislingbury wade through the cesspool is that is the modern news cycle to find you chunks of solid gold-- Meaning mostly stories about crows and drunken brawls at fast food joints.
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World's a Mess
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May 24, 2018

EPISODE #98-- Today Alex and James talk angry badgers in Scotland, a spoiled brat running away to Bali, and the mystery case of TEN-THOUSAND TORTOISES. All this and we talk about TMNT, how dumb Scottish history is, and how useless and terrible Matt Lauer is. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Follow us on tumblr at https://worldsamess.tumblr.com/. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at the Guardian and National Geographic. #Turtles #ReptileNews #Badger #Scotland #Highlander #Eastman #Laird #Australia #DumbKids #RastaLife

May 16, 2018

EPISODE #97-- For today's stories we got a spate of kangaroo attacks, a man with a vendetta against cars, and the great Coor's Light caper of 2018. Plus we talk about The Fast and the Furious, Andy Griffith, local ads, and a bunch of other dumb BS. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at The Independent, Tampa Bay Times, SF Gate. #Coors #Beer #Drinking #Florida #LasVegas #Reagan #Drugs #Magic

May 7, 2018

EPISODE #96-- Crime doesn't pay. . . And neither does podasting. Today we got stories about an aptly named male escort/cop, bootleg Disney figures with a terrible surprise, a would-be death metal suicide pact, and an Aussie who will not be dissuaded from a drink. All this and some really, truly terrible Scottish accents. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at NY Post, Vice, WSBTV, Guardian, and Scotsman. #Georgia #Australia #NewYork #Scotland #UK #Crime #DeathMetal #LifeAlert #Mystery #Poirot #EarthWormJerky

May 1, 2018

EPISODE #95-- We have an accidental theme episode! Today we tackle the case of the wind-blown cocaine, the mystery of the mouse-bitten weed, and the peril of the pizza attack. Plus, James tells us how he got the hantavirus. All this and more! Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at NY Post, Associated Press, Guardian, and Crime Watch. #Crime #Ohio #Florida #Weed #Mice #Coke #WarOnDrugs #WarOnFriendos #CriterionCollection

Apr 26, 2018

EPISODE #94-- We're back and in prime form. On today's episode we talk about the seagull pepperoni fiasco, a Toys R Us rave (and Toys R Us itself), and another gun rights dummy being a dumb dummy. All this and a bunch more regional jokes. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Buzzfeed, Variety, and the BBC. #Seagull #Pepperoni #Toys #R #Us #Rave #Jesus #RaveJesus #PatreonGoals

Apr 18, 2018

EPISODE #93-- Today's stories include gold falling from the sky, the death of a snake-kisser, a conspiracy theorist politician, and Jesus' return and robbery of a Pizza Hut. Plus, we talk about other conspiracy theories and what Jay-Z is like on his off days. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at New York Times, BBC, Washington Post, WBRI-NC, and WFMY. #Russia #Gold #PizzaHut #Jesus #Christ #Snakes #Conspiracies #MKUltra #JayZ #DayZ #DayJ #DrJ #WoundCube

Apr 12, 2018

EPISODE #92-- On today's episode we handle stories about Ben Carson being a dumb-dumb, a racist dummy with a pug, a living dead man, and a new game based on the Steele Dossier: Spy/Author/Mind's Eye (apologies to Uhh Yeah Dude). Plus we talk about America, Carl Pilkington, and probably some other dumb BS. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, BBC, The New Yorker, and Guardian. #Steele #PeeTape #Spies #TacticalEspionageAction #BenCarson #Pugs #Romania #LegalZombies #UYD

Apr 6, 2018

EPISODE #91-- Today Alex and James tackle Domino's pizza going buckwild on motorists, the state of our school shooting American nightmare, and the thrill of being attacked by a samurai sword. This and debates about colons, who is dead or not, apes, ape planets, and Al Pacino's daisho. It's a banger, folks. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Foodbeast, Reuters, and Oregon Live. #Oregon #SamuraiSword #Katana #Getty #AllTheMoneyInTheWorld #IceCube #BodyCount #SchoolShootings #Pizza #Proclaimers

Mar 28, 2018

EPISODE #90-- Today we talk about nutria narcs, a bride's pre-gaming woes, one woman's addiction to hiring bad hitmen, and a perusal through one of LA's more gross free periodicals. All this and some more stupid nonsense on today's episode. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at LA Times, NBC Connecticut, and Washington Post. #HollywoodPress #DUI #Drinking #Arizona #Nutria #Friendos #Australia #Rocko

Mar 21, 2018

EPISODE #89-- Alex is still back from New York and he's come with a doozy of a story. Plus, we got news on Alex Jones being a pervert, jet ski-related violence, and a lion eating a poacher. Plus, James got a sweet poem from a crazy (?) street person! Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, Daily Mail, The Sun, and BBC. #Lions #Tigers #Poachers #TraditionalMedicine #JetSki #Thailand #NewYork #NYC #ChiliMonster #StreetPoetry #GoldenPole

Mar 14, 2018

EPISODE #88-- On this particularly baggy episode James and Alex talk about Katy Perry's mortal clash with local nuns, Charles Manson's corpse, Streisand's clone dog(s), and a Russian identify thief/poisoner. They also talk about Bakersfield, how not to get rid of ashes, Mary Provost, drop some hack jokes about feminism and, of course, Sniper Wolf's love of Xanax. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at LA Times, CBS News, CBS NY, and Guardian. #Manson #Murders #Clones #6thDay #KatyPerry #Nuns #Charade #LanaDelRey #MetalGearSolid #FoxHound #RastaLife

Mar 5, 2018

EPISODE #87-- In this extra long episode Alex and James ramble and rap about all things important. Specifically they got stories about a gold thief, an acid-addled cooking oil-covered brawler, our future mutant crayfish overlords, and the pleasures of finding half of a rat in your food. They also chat about cats, Lenny Kravitz, Roger Corman, Two Dope Queens, muppets, and lots and lots of comic books. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at the WABC7 NY, the Guardian, and the Associated Press. Our end theme is "Black Velveteen" by Lenny Kravitz. "#MotherPanic #Comics #TwoDopeQueens #Florida #Mutant #Heist #Gold #LSD #Acid #LennyKravitz #FDR #DocMartin #RastaLife

Feb 26, 2018

EPISODE #86-- We got something for everybody on today's episode. Especially if you're a dirtbird. We got stories about how bad of a landlord Jared Kushner is and how pure of a baby Guy Fieri is, Satan V. Missouri, Grandma the Clown being an SVU episode, and a big game hunter getting his just deserts. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at the Dead State, Fox News, Bloomberg, and Eater NY. #Clowns #Circus #Carnies #SVU #SpecialVictimsUnit #Grandma #Kraven #DinerAndDriveThroughs #Flavortown #JackParsons #TheDevil #Satan

Feb 17, 2018

EPISODE #85-- Today Alex and James talk about a French baboon breakout, bad cops in Canada being lightweights, and a dumb teen taking down the west's entire security apparatus. They also talk Trader Joe's, zoo foods, and insane revelations about James' family. Also holograms. Or, rather, "holograms." Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at the Vice, Guardian, and Telegraph. #Canada #Hackers #Hackers2 #France #Zoo #Animals #Baboons #2High2Cop #Edibles #Weed #ElliotGould #RastaLife

Feb 9, 2018

EPISODE #84-- We're back and today we got stories about a prison break-in, a peacock, and more dumb tech-bro stuff (this time with more flamethrowers). We also talk made mess on survivalists, JK Rowling, and proper shopping car etiquette. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at the Guardian, Live and Let Fly, and CBS News. #Amish #ShoppingCarts #ADA #Ablism #ElonMusk #FlameThrowers #Hitchbot

Feb 6, 2018

EPISODE #83-- On today's episode Alex and James rap about the intersection of metal, clown, and drugs, as well as unusual whitening treatments, the worst husband ever, and a trip down memory road with an early 2000's lad magazine. Also Jeff Sessions sucks. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, CBS, WKMG, Maxim Magazine, and Newsweek.

Jan 27, 2018

EPISODE #82-- Sorry for the delay! One of these days we're going to get our act together. In the mean time, we got stories about the "raw water" "craze" that is sweeping dumb white America, criminal small clams, and one more reason (of many) why you shouldn't be a transphobe. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Vice, Munchies, New York Times, Ars Technica, TC Palm, and Pride. #BeCool #BeKind #SmallClamsCourt #Coke #Dome #Soda #Florida #MLKDay #Jets #RastaLife

Jan 19, 2018

EPISODE #81-- Braving heat and cold, the boys are back with a new crop of dumb stories. Today we've got a woman who ate ten too many tamales, a teacher getting busted for being a Nazi, what to do and what not to do when you encounter a frozen iguana, and another gross story about Trump AKA America's Grossest President. All this and more and Tim Allen sucks. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Food Beast, The Root, NPR, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. #TrumpSucks #Impeach45 #Florida #Lizards #Reptiles #RepLife #PunchMoreNazis #WeatherMen #RastaLife

Jan 15, 2018

EPISODE #80-- The last of 2017's backlog! Today we got a drunk possum, the tragedy of North Korean ghost ships, and the world's dumbest sex predator. All this and more. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Atlas Obscura, NBC Washington, and AV Club. #Possum #Friendo #SexPest #KevinSpacy #TimesUp #Florida #Drinkin #NorthKorea #ItMe #PoppyThePossum #RastaLife

Jan 11, 2018

EPISODE #79-- In what might be our best and "best" episode yet, Alex and James (and Deanna) tackle mob-run strip clubs, naked men fighting trucks, and robo-cops. Plus we trash Frank Rizzo (may he rot in hell), Old New York, doggos, and a bunch of other trash. It's great. It's so good. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Atlas Obscura, NBC Washington, and AV Club. #FrankRizzoSucks #Washington #Doggos #NewJersey #TheSopranos #TeenWolfOfTheNarcissus #OhMan #BoxingDay #RastaLife

Jan 3, 2018

EPISODE #78-- Oh, wait, actually this is the episode with the potato gun. It's been a weird week. I thought my dad might die again. Good news, he didn't! Anyways, we got that and a story about a hungry bear, moonshine, Steven Mnuchin's (alleged) coprophilic mail order problem, and potato guns. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at CBC, Juneau Empire, CBS News, LA Times, AL.com, KPCC, and Vice. Support journalism! #Bears #Alaska #Canada #Trumpistan #PicketFences #Taters #Thunderroad #Thunderbird #Drinkin #RastaLife

Dec 30, 2017

EPISODE #77-- As we round the year out, let's remember what matters most in our lives: The Wu Tang Clan. We also have stories about undersea blood explosions and the war on ISIS (via porno). All this and more. Get it. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at CNBC, Vice, and Motherboard. #Shaolin #WuTang #Blood #Canada #WarOnTerror #WarOnXmas #RastaLife

Dec 23, 2017

EPISODE #76-- Today (almost) all of our stories are from the Guardian. Our stories include a sleepy bandit, a jerk drinking poison thirty years too late, dumb installation art, and Judge Ghost Hunter. All this and more on today's World's a Mess. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Guardian, Reuters, and Vice. Support real journalist. #XMas #CandleNights #Holidays #Christmas #CrystalMass #Crimbles #Krimbus

Dec 16, 2017

EPISODE #75-- Today Alex and James celebrate the season by talking about the most terrifying and dumb news that they can find (and also the New Kids on the Block). Today they got stories about Special Forces V. Special Forces murder, a weed bazooka (naturally), and Narcs V. Narcs (where everybody wins). Also some other dumb stuff. Get it. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess" by X. Thanks to our sources at Daily Beast, Vice, and FOX 2 Detroit. #SOCOM #BROCOM #RogueWarrior #Detroit #Cops #WarOnDrugs #Mexico #Donnie #Rastalife

Dec 9, 2017

EPISODE #74-- Today we talk about gunmen at McDonald's, Mexican cartels making pesos off of octopuses, and a dude shooting himself in the wee-wee. We also talk about the effulgent Lizzo, 'Nam, Jim Ladd, and how transphobes should be headbutted non-stop, always. Amen. Support our show at Patreon.com/quality. Follow James on twitter @kislingtwits and Alex @giraffetermath. Thanks to Sef Joosten for our show art (http://spexdoodles.tumblr.com). Our theme music is "The World's a Mess (It's In My Kiss)" by X. Thanks to our sources at MSN, WTAE, War is Boring, and Food Beast (and see our Facebook page for more sources!). #FastFoodWars #DingDongs #Pennsylvania #WarOnDrugs #Octopussy #Rastalife

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